Bit of an Update

Well, it's been awhile. Most of which has been spent dealing with the insurance company, medical group, and the doctor's office. Bottom line, two "speciality pharmacies" were disallowed but finally we -supposedly - have an OK for one. The Ribavirin pills are in the house. Still waiting for the injectable. We hope to start John on the treatment on July 13, a Friday. We won't know for sure until we have the Interferon in hand.

More Worries

Well, the visit to the cardiologist today did little to dispel our fears. Although telling us that the echocardiagram was good and that there was no more damage or enlargement to the heart, the doctor also started talking about scheduling surgery. How a heart that - in the doctor's own words - is working normally and is strong and healthy needs surgery is beyond me. I realize that the mitral valve is not working correctly, but he himself said that surgery should not be done now. Then he does a 180 and starts talking about calling in a surgeon. I sometimes wonder if doctors truly know what they are telling us, or are they just trying to keep us coming to see them.

Well, it is in the Lord's hands. God is the best physician of all - He can heal anyone of anything. And He will heal John.

Church Service

We had a great worship service today. Everything from the music to the sermon was just right. Everyone left feeling great and refreshed. Days like this are rare and special. Today our Pastor finished a series of sermons on the book of Romans. The book ended on just the right note; encouragement for the church to keep on - no matter how small we think we are. God has kept our little flock together all this time for a reason. He must have a special job for us, but it is up to us to figure out what it is.

It could be as simple as one person who needs to hear the gospel and we are the ones chosen to tell them. You never know. But God does.

It Begins

Wednesday my husband had a liver biopsy in preparation for his Interferon/Ribivarin treatment. The last few days have been horrible. Nothing had prepared me for it. Not the doctors, not the literature, not the information on the internet. Nothing. We were told that it was a minor procedure, similar to the colonoscopy he'd had the previous week. We were expecting that he would have a little discomfort, but not the full-on pain that he experienced. And I was not expecting that I would be allowed to stay with him until they actually performed the biopsy. Which meant that I was with him in what resembled a ICU ward. But we survived.

It has been three days now and he is finally feeling almost normal. He still has soreness; so much for it being a minor procedure. Well, maybe for some it is. I read - after the fact - that pain is experienced in only 30% of patients. Guess he's in the 30%.

He was hurting so bad last night that I found myself spending a Friday evening basically alone, trying to be quiet, while he slept. I was worried, and depressed. And lonely. I wonder now if that is a preview of the next six months as he undergoes this treatment. I have a tendency to depression lately (probably from my diabetes) and I wonder if I am going to spend the next six months alone and depressed. Someone told me that I need to remember the end result, that John will be cured of the hepatitis, but that is easy to say when they are not the ones going through it.

Well, this blog is about my faith, and I guess it is going to be tested in these next few months. I barely passed test one, so let's see how I'll do with step two.

Testing

My faith seems to be tested a lot. There are times when it seems like life is one big test - and maybe it is. Maybe live is the final to get you into heaven. Except we don't have to study for this one. There is only one answer. Jesus.

SORROW & PAIN

I'm really fond of a song we've been doing this month at my church called "Trading My Sorrows". It's not that easy to sing, and our congregation being a mature one is having difficulty with it. But I keep on singing it. Why? Because we need to learn it, we need to embrace the words.

We had one member who used to choose her songs by the words; she rarely knew what it sounded like before she'd rehearse, but she knew she liked the words.

That's how it is with this song. I am trading my sorrows and pain for the Lord's joy. His joy is so much better.

I admit that sometimes when I'm leading the worship songs I get so into the song that I forget that there are people trying to follow my lead. I'm singing to God and the congregation seems to disappear for a moment. Then I'll realize where I am and the moment is lost. But, man, while it lasted, it was a great moment.

That's what worship should be - nobody there but you and God.

Depression

Well, here we go again. Where is your faith if you are depressed? Well, faith does not mean you won't get depressed. Faith is believing in something. Faith is not a cure-all. So, I'm depressed. Why? I miss my mom. Looking at our church photobucket earlier I found a photo that I hadn't seen. (Thanks, Lizet, for taking it.) It really makes me miss her more. This week a lot of things have happened that I wanted to call her up and tell her about, but I can't because she isn't there. Missing someone is awful. My faith tells me that I'll see her again someday in Heaven, but, you know what? That doesn't help me now.

Depression. It stinks. And I still miss my mom.

Zoos

Well, my husband and I have been to two Zoos lately, the Los Angeles Zoo, and the San Diego Zoo. Now we're planning a trip to Santa Barbara to see the - what else - Zoo!

This little meerkat is from the LA Zoo. He or one of his relatives was the inspiration for Timon in the Lion King. (Disney is, after all, only 2 minutes from the zoo.)

And this "little lady" is from San Diego where she swam a lovely circular "ballet" for my husband.

STRESS

Well, stress is rearing its ugly head.

To be honest, I come from a long line of worriers. The Barrett women were world-renowned for it. (That's my mother's mother's side.) We are so good at it, and so prolific, that we worry when we aren't worried. Well, worry leads to stress, which brings me to today's blog. I'm worried. What a surprise. I'm worried about work. I'm worried about my family. I'm worried about my husband. Heck, I'm even worried about my dog. Like I said, a long line.

Well, now because of that, I'm stressed. So, since the blog itself is called faith, I find myself asking myself - "so, where's your faith?". I haven't answered myself yet.

Where is my faith?

I think it's the same place as always. Surrounding me with protection from myself. The trouble is, that the stress takes a toll on everything else. I'm diabetic. I get stressed, my sugar goes up. I get stressed, I eat, my sugar goes even higher. So, where is my faith? Well, it has kept me from getting nuts and eating things I shouldn't. My faith has kept me from breaking into tears. My faith is what is going to get me through this.

Where is faith when you go through hard times? Right there. Faith is how you go through them, and don't get stuck or stopped. Faith is what keeps you from giving up. Well, I'm a worrier, not a quitter. I have faith.

Lazy Saturdays

Well, it's another Saturday. Slept really late and haven't done much but laundry. Lazy Saturdays are the best. My mood is rather somber today. Guess I worry too much about what is going to happen, but having faith doesn't mean you don't worry. It means that when you do worry you also know when to stop and not obsess. And you now who will take care of things ultimately. I'm not sure how I would cope if I didn't have my faith in Jesus.





Next week we go to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory for the annual Open House. It's one of our favorite things - we went to our first one shortly after John and I began dating. Odd, but I feel really connected to God at these things. How can you see the magnificence of his creation without seeing Him?





Faith is a hard thing to explain. If you have faith then it needs no explanation, bu tif you do not have faith then you cannot understand it. Many of the folks who work at JPL have faith, and the rest just look at them as if they are nuts. It's ok. God will explain it to the others someday.



























Well, time to take care of the laundry. :-)

Worry

Now is when faith is tested. My husband is facing drug therapy to combat Hepatitis C. At the best he'll be sick once a week. At the worst he'll be sick most of the time. We don't know what physical changes his body will undergo. Hair loss, weight loss, appetite loss. The gain is that the Hep will be cured. In the meantime, we will both need our faith in God to give us the strength. One thing we need to remember is that Jesus did not die so that we would suffer. He suffered, and died, so that we would be healed.

Holy Week

Wednesday of Holy Week. Traditionally a "quiet" day. What was Jesus doing on that day so long ago? Perhaps he was praying, as we all should be.

Resurrection

Easter is Sunday, and Holy Week is almost over. It always amazes me how busy the devil is during this time. It simply means that we need to focus more clearly on Jesus, and his sacrifice for us.

Sunday at church will be wonderful - we are presenting the cantata "Celebrate Jesus". The message is a good one, and powerful. The choir has been working hard, and it shows. Their love for God shouts out in every song. I pray that you will celebrate Easter - and Jesus - this Sunday.

A Year has Passed.

Wow, haven't posted in a long time! A year to be exact. :-) My choir sang our Christmas cantata this morning and it was magical. We had many suprises this morning, and answered prayers. One man who had "wandered" was back from rehab and ready to start serving the Lord, another who is new to my choir sang and narrated for us without a single rehearsal - but did great! AND - he has been completely healed of two kinds of "incurable" hepatitis. The Hispanic congregation that shares our facilities joined us for the service, as well. What a wonderful experience!

Birdies

We have lots of wildlife in the yards - birds, squirrels, raccoons - even possums.

My favorite is the blue scrub jays that come for peanuts. They squawk each morning until my husband puts a handful of peanuts on top of a storage bin. Then they come one at a time to pick out the correct ones. They are quite fussy and will shake two or three until they get the one they want!

The squirrels try to steal the peanuts, but our dog, Maggie, keeps guard.

Christmas

Our new Christmas Cantata will be presented on December 25th, at 10:30 a.m. Titled "Star of Wonder" it was inspired by Star Wars, or at least the opening credits. Using contemporary songs the cantata simply tells of God's wonderful gift to us, a gift that was announced by a wonderous star.

Flowers

I love flowers and one time sprinkled a few four-o'clock seeds around. They are now coming up everywhere! The smell is fresh, sweet and beautiful, although they do have a tendency to take over! These are close up shots of individual flowers. The size of each one is about 1 1/2 inches.

We also have roses, geraniums and various flowering vines.

This is an actual untouched photo - it was shot against the white backdrop of the house and startled even me when I saw how it came out. Variety "Double Delight".

These geraniums were already here when we moved in - just the kind my husband wanted!

These little flowers are on a vine that grows along one fence - no idea what it is but the flowers have a sweet scent and are tiny - about 1/4 of an inch!

My Choir

We have a small group, but they love the Lord and love to sing!

Left to right, Mary Eliott, Ana Maria Aguilar, Kim Woods, Richard Elliott and Lora Sotelo.

We are accompanied by John McAllister, one of the finest keyboardists in existence.

My Yard

My husband and I have a large back yard with lots of bushes and vines. One year we planted a tiny christmas tree, which died soon after. We tried two more times and now have a large, round pine tree in the middle of both our front and back yards!



We also have a lemon tree which is overgrown with very large lemons. We call the "lemonzilla".

New Songs

Been trying out some new praise songs, first on the choir, then the congregation. Seems to be working - a few more hallelujahs lately. I guess sometimes I simply pick music that toughes my soul, and hope it touches the others as well. It's hard to know what is the correct thing, so I just let the Spirit move me.

God is good.