Organization

Lately I've been trying very hard to organize my workspaces both at home and at work. I'm not getting very far. It seems as if every time I get started, something else comes up to sidetrack me. Maybe the thing that needs the most organization is my brain.

 

Life is good.

 

Rewards

We read in Luke 15 the story of the prodigal son. Like most people I have never understood that story. Oh, I know that Jesus was trying to see that God accepts us back no matter how bad we've been, that we are rewarded in heaven because of his love and not our own works. But, and it is a big but, I have always felt sorry for the son who stayed behind and  did everything right, only to see his slacker brother celebrated.

Everyday I experience a taste of what the older brother must have felt. I've worked at my job for ten years and often see others get the awards and raises - knowing full well that they are really slackers. It is quite annoying to have to congratulate a co-worker for receiving our quarterly award for excellence, knowing that I worked twice as hard helping them out.

However, it was pointed out to me that the real trouble with the older brother is that he was not happy for his brother's return, only resentful. So, searching myself I realized that the awards others recieve do not take away from me, they aren't against me, rather simply for the other person. And mow I am truly glad when others do get recognized; sometimes it is the encouragement they need to do better.

Oh, and I did finally get the big award after all. Not only recognition, but it also involves a cash bonus. I received it just when I returned after my husband's heart surgery - which came with lots of medical expenses.

Everything in God's own time. :-)

 

 

Good Morning

And a grand and glorious morning it is!

Don't people who are cheerful in the mornings make you nuts? I am definitely a night person; not necessarily darkness, but night. The later in the day, the more energy I have. My body doesn't wake up until at least 11:00 am or even noon. Later, even better.

The problem with that is a job that starts at 8:30 am.

Oh, well. Good morning!

Sweetness

I'm a diabetic, so you can bet that I pay very close attention to sweet things. One thing that I have learned is that sweetness does not necessarily mean sugar. And sugar does not guarantee sweetness. Sugar is one form of carbohydrates. Carbohydrates (carbs) are one of the main souces of energy for our bodies. Carbs, however, are not always easy to discern in our food because carbs don't always take the form of sugar.

 

There are many items we eat that we don't think of as sweet or sugary that are full of carbs. Bread for instance. Are you aware that almost all bread contains a little sugar? It does. Sugar helps the yeast to rise, it gives fuel to the little yeast bacteria that provide the leavening agent. Too little sugar and the bread won't rise, too much sugar, however, and the bread doesn't come out right, either. Plus the starches or grains in the bread turn into carbs as our body processes them. In fact, most of the food you eat turns into carbs in the body, and that raises anyone's blood sugar. So it isn't easy to just stay away from sweets to control your blood sugar, you have to balance everything you eat, from vegetables, to meat, to grains. Too little sugar (or carbs)  and our body doesn't have energy, too much and we get sick.

 

Well, did you know that sin is like that? Sin, or the possibility of it, is in almost everything we do. Many things are good, even righteous things, but we make them into something that they are not. Too much of even a good thing can turn into something bad.

 

Sports, either watched or played, are a good, healthy thing, but when they interfere with our church activities on a regular basis, then they are wrong. Watching TV, seeing a movie, going on a picnic - insert whatever activity you enjoy - anything that interferes with your relationship with God is wrong. Even prayer can be wrong if you spend so much time talking TO God that you don't spend any time LISTENING to God. As a matter of fact, church itself can be a sinful act - if it keeps you away from your family. That's how cults get started, and I think we can all agree that cults are sinful.

 

Life is a balancing act, not too much, not too little. Except where sin enters. That is the one place that there is no such thing as too little. Any sin is too much.

 

Fishing

Tomorrow my husband and I are going to the Aquarium of the Pacific and taking two friends with us. Free tickets - one perk of working for a non-profit. Anyhow, it makes me think how Jesus wants us to be fishers of men., Well, The only bait and hook I use is how much my Lord loves me. And everyone else. Pretty good reason to grab that hook, isn't it? Christmas is coming, a good time for fishing - throw out that line and reel them in ...

"for God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life" John 3:16

Weekend

It's a comin' - yes, Lord! Not too soon for me! Been one of those weeks. Time to relax. Nice . . . time to stop and smell the roses. (and maybe prune them, too)

Great Worship

Sunday, September 20, we had a great worship time - it made me truly appreciate my God and my church family. That night most of us gathered to celebrate the month's birthdays. Driving home through Griffith Park I was able to enjoy God's stillness.

Rest in Peace

I am deeply saddened at the death of Patrick Swayze. My beloved Pastor George died of pancreatic cancer shorty before Swayze was diagnosed. It is a horrible form of the disease, and one of the deadliest. I can still hear an oncologist telling me "you know there is no cure for that" when I mentioned my pastor's illness.

No cure. Those are harsh words. As I write this a dear co-worker is going through a similar situation with her father. A fairly young man in good health he felt a bit under the weather one day and went to the doctor. He was given 2-3 weeks to live. He is now in the hospital on morphine and unresponsive. Two short weeks.

Cancer. It is a scary word. Probably the most frightening one anyone can hear. There are so many types, many of which are curable, but a few that are not. I am thinking of all the loved ones I have lost to that word. Too many.

God bless us all.

Priorities

This past week has been a crazy one here; major wildfires in the hills surrounding my area. the media seemed to ignore it for the first few days - whatever happened to "breaking news?" Oh, well, I thought, maybe there are more important things to cover. After all, news to one person is just everyday life to another. After a few days the coverage was everywhere. Of course, it was about as fresh as a three-day-old sandwich. Well, I had friends who lived at the edge of the fires; they were keeping me updated, what did I need the 'net or TV for? Radio was doing a decent job. Sort of.

Then Thursday came. trying to watch TV was difficult as helicopters buzzed around outside. Had the fire surged again? Was the freeway jammed? Had there been a wreck? No. Michael Jackson was finally being buried. Isn't it sad what things people find important? Isn't it sadder what things the media chooses to tell us in the first place?

Or is it just plain scary? The fire was - and is - a life-threatening matter. Michael Jackson's life is over. The only thing depending on his funeral was, well, nothing.

Think about it.

All That Jazz

Had a nice time at the Hollywood Bowl last night. A dear friend invited us to go with her to hear some jazz. It isn't my kind of jazz - I prefer New Orleans style - but some of it was wonderful. The best part was enjoying a night out with my husband and my friend on a balmy Southern California evening. It stayed quite warm throughout the night, but the sheer joy of being outside under the stars was not to be beat.

Heart Surgery

Well, if there is any place that tests your faith, it is the waiting room in a hospital where your spouse is undergoing open-heart surgery. What seems like endless days is in reality only a few hours. It does drag on, especially when word is sent that they are about to close - if everything looks ok. But - and that is a huge word - just in case it doesn't look good enough, then another procedure will follow and it will be a couple more hours. So you wait the 20 minutes that they first tell you, then another, and another, and another. After the first hour you know something isn't right, but you stay calm. After all, everyone prayed the minute you found out there might be a problem. Everything is going to be ok.

And it is.

You're told that your spouse won't wake up for hours, but you have to see them, just to make sure that they are still breathing. Steeled for the horrific sight of tubes and machines, you silently walk into the ICU expecting them to look as if they are dead (as one friend warned you) and are told that they are already awake. Looking far better than anyone should at this point you praise God for his healing and you smile. Your faith has gotten you through. God is good.

Good Times

Been having some great time at the Disney Resort this year. First got to go for free on my birthday - and they dedicated all of Disneyland to me! It was great fun! Then I got to back another day to California Adventure - they had given me a two-fer ticket! And in May, back to Disneyland for my job - and got paid to go! Wow! This is my Year of Disney!

Here We Go Again

Well, our medical group decided to change cardiologists so John now has a new cardiologist. This one is gung ho on doing preventive work - which means he wants to have John's mitral valve repaired now and not later. Trouble is, he isn't the one who would undergo open heart. This doctor is used to running things over at Cedars-Sinai where they do this sort of thing less invasively. Welcome to St. Josephs. Here they are still into cutting open the chest. Nasty piece of work. Well, another thing for God to handle for us.

Zoo Membership

Well, last December John and I decided to join the LA Zoo. It has been wonderful. We go about every two weeks. It's good exercise to walk the hills, and great excercise for the soul to be outside and with the animals. I'm in love with the little meerkat, John adores the hippo (Otis) and the little koalas are just so cute. I have taken hundreds of photos - digital, thank God. It really is a great place to go. My feet get really tired and sore, though. :-)

Pastor Abe

Pastor Abe has been settling in to the job quite well. Although Abe has preached all of his life, he has only been a pastor for a short time. I was a bit concerned, but things are going well. Last Sunday we had a wonderful worship service. Even though we had a few members missing, it seemed as if the Sanctuary was filled. And I believe it was, with the Holy Spirit. How good it is to have Church again, and not simply go through the motions.

Hallelujah!!

Well, finally we have turned the corner - at least according to the cardiologist. John is pretty much back to normal, and even a little bit better, and thinner. God has taken care of us, and gotten us through what was basically 7 months of hell. Don't want to go through that again.

Life Goes On

Our Pastor went home to be with the Lord on January 24th. The congregation is drawing closer together and closer to God. Death truly is a part of life and when one passes the rest must go on. Rather than mourn we must now rejoice. George is with the Lord and healed. It just is not the way we would have chosen.

God is still good. All the time.

From the Frying Pan Into the Fire

Boy, can things get worse, or what? Since my last posting my husband went to the ER and was admitted to the hospital. Atrial Fibrulation (erratic heartbeat) and Congestive Heart Failure. The end result of 24 weeks of Peg-Interferon/Ribavirin treatment.

Two weeks have passed and there is only slight improvement. John can barely do anything without becoming short of breath. His medications have been totally changed, and he is now relying on sleeping pills at night. It isn't much of a life, but we grasp at every tiny bit of improvement.

We did have one really good day when we took an out-of-town guest and went to the Zoo. We also managed to see a movie. And we did go to Knott's Berry Farm courtesy of my job, though we barely saw anything more than the Mystery Lodge show. At least we were able to do something. His doctors say he is doing well, but he sure doesn't seem to feel well.

Making matters worse, our sweet Pastor died last Thursday. It was expected, but still a shock. Pastor George wasn't very old; in his early 60's. There is now a big gap in our lives. God rest his soul.

End of One Journey, Beginning of Another

Well, 2008 is over. The long journey of treatment for John is over. Maybe. The effects of all the drugs they gave him are still weighing heavy on his body. Since my last posting much has happened.

We made it through the 24 weeks. John had a small resurgence of life, then his blood count went down, the weekly Neupogen shots went in, and life disappeared again. The aches and pains grew worse, breathing problems surfaced. A good night's sleep was hard to come by. The final weeks were the worst. It was all John could do to keep going; much of the time he didn't. He spent hours - days - doing nothing but sitting in bed. It's gotten so bad that he can barely walk 10 feet without having to rest.

So this is what the treatment has done. I wonder, is it worth it to eradicate the Hep C virus if at the end you have no strength to enjoy it? Is is worth it if your marriage is in shreds? My advice to anyone facing the decision to have the treatment or not is to run. Run like hell. Enjoy your life. This Interferon will rob you of what little you have.

Three weeks have passed since the last Neupogen; two since the last Interferon. He took the final Ribivirin pills a week ago. There is no change. He seems as bad now as he was during the treatment. He tells me the pain is better, but his actions do not show it. I use the term actions reservedly. He does very little. He goes to work, but I'm not sure how much he does other than sit and fret. At home he does nothing but sit. He rarely turns on his computer. Playing either the piano or synthesizer is out of the question. Forget about petting the dog, or rubbing the cat. Even hugging the wife is pretty much obliterated.

We can only pray that someday the effects of this stuff wear off and that there is no permanent damage done to John's body. When asked if he would re-do the treatment in case the Hep returns his answer: NO. Too bad that wasn't the answer before. This is one of those "cure is worse than the disease" times.

I know that God is taking care of us, and I believe - I have to - that He will make things better in the long run. But the long run is a very hard and long one.

Loosing mama at the begining of 2007 was hard; going through the legal matters involving probate was harder. Dealing with Pastor's illness, and then his wife's was horrible. But dealing with what has happened to my husband is the worst. It sometimes feels as if I am not married, as if my husband has left and someone else is sitting in his seat and sleeping on his side of the bed. As I said, I believe God will take care of everything, but that does not make it easier in the middle of the night when I feel alone. It does not help as I look at the future and see endless days of going nowhere and doing nothing. It does not help when I want to be held and loved and there is no one there to do so. But He will get me through, just as He has the past 25 weeks.

God is good.

God's Love

Much has happened in the time since my last posting. Our pastor was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Our congregation is praying for God's will, whatever that may be. Another of those times that test our faith, and stir our soul.

The worship services have not turned sad and melancholy - in fact they have been more worshipful than ever. We are truly connected. When Pastor walked back in to the Sanctuary for the first time after getting out of the hospital - it was as if the Spirit of God blew a breath of comforting air through the room.

Hard time either make us or break us, they also show us quite distinctly, God's love. His love goes beyond our circumstances, and is constant - no matter what. If I did not have God's love then I would not want to continue with life, but because of His love, I not only want to continue, I have hope that it will get better.